How to eat: loaded fries | Food

In food, there is very little that has not been documented in incredible detail. Google anything from apple pie to zucchini, and your search will return endless recipes, exhaustive stories, and culturally resonant reviews of this article.

The information on loaded fries, however, is notable for its absence. You can discover fragments of the 1950s origin story, which involves a precocious 16-year-old Texan genius creating chili cheese fries. But as Quebecers across Canada proudly celebrate poutine – a dish of French fries, fresh curd, and gravy – there is an obvious lack of curiosity about the timeline that gave the United States pizza fries or French fries. post-clubbing disco.

This despite the fact that loaded fries are now a staple on menus, not only in New York City, but in distant Norwich and Aberdeen. The United States exported outrageously garnished French fries to the world.

Are loaded fries somehow beyond pallor, too simple, too high in calories, too simple to warrant investigation? Is ignoring them the last acceptable snobbery? Much like Blur, Banksy, or Breaking Bad, Loaded Fries are pretty cool, fun, and popular, but it seems like no one really knows if we should take them seriously.

You could say that it would take a particularly superficial food chronicle to delve into this topic. So let’s go. How to Eat, the series defining the best way to enjoy our favorite foods, is here to sort out the tangled mess that’s loaded with fries.

On the side?

The inflationary greed of the (ugh!) “Dude food†era, the mantra plus it’s more of the Man v Food era, their proximity to burgers on restaurant menus, all helped position the loaded fries. as a side dish. This is wrong.

Both from a bulk and boredom standpoint, you don’t need a portion of fries loaded with a burger. You don’t even have to share one. This combination is both repetitive (pair your piece of meat and carbs with another mound of meat and carbs!)

Essentially, you eat two meals at once, which, while it sounds good, often leaves you nauseous, baffled, and worse. Think of loaded fries as a meal in itself.

fries

Ideally, you want to eat loaded fries with your fingers. A key appeal of this dish is that it allows you to deny parental authority and the arid discipline of the bourgeois Western dining table – and to dig greedily and shamelessly with your fingers.

Loaded fries are the food equivalent of finger painting, mud baths, or four days without a shower at a music festival – a return to a more uninhibited sense of ourselves and our tactile pleasures. This desire to have a hand requires fries that can both support their own weight and serve as a delivery mechanism – part nacho, part chopsticks.

Here, fries are food and utensil. A requirement that excludes traditional British fries on a spectrum from large chain pub fries to sweet and golden fries numbers. Too long, too soft, prone to sagging and prone to shattering when lifted, such chips cannot withstand heavy loads.

Instead, look at the extremes of the flea world. What you need as a basis for your load are either thin fries (squeezed between two fingers, they form a convenient vented spoon) absorption rate).

Correctly browned and coated with a crispy crust of starches and sugars, these crisps will resist excess humidity without becoming waterlogged and, rather than a potato flavor, will stand out for their caramelized character. , sweet and fried in butter. This is not a dish where you want elemental flavors of the earth. If you want an overt potato flavor, make one. Loaded fries should be a rich, indulgent treat.

Note: yes, you may need to use a fork on the last soggy bites (and that’s a good thing – you want a variety of textures throughout this meal), but that will only be at the heart of the charged. Not before.

Sweet Potato Fries …

… Have no place in loaded fries. See also: fried fries, overly literal matchstick fries, quarters, earthy intruders with skin.

Toppings

Do you know how many potential combinations of toppings you can put on loaded fries? No, how to eat either. But since the answer lies somewhere between these theoretical concepts, load shedding and infinity, it is better to speak in terms of general rules rather than individual combinations.

Cheese: Soft cheeses (American orange slices, Monterey Jack, cheddar, mozzarella) tend to coagulate as they cool so that if you apply them too thick it will be difficult to separate the fries. Be judicious or, better yet, use a combination of a looser cheese sauce and layers of finely grated cheese, to avoid cloying lumps.

Reduce size: While some larger, flexible items (caramelized onions, grated braised beef) will conveniently wrap around fries, less malleable components won’t. The list is endless but, for example, chorizo, bacon, fresh chili peppers, meatballs, fried chicken, lasagna or herbs, all need to be ground or very finely chopped to a size where they can be easily. raised on one or a few fries. Ground beef, for example, works on French fries in a different way than chopped hamburger patty pieces.

Humidity: If you add chili, bolognese, or other side dishes to the stew, drain them. A little liquid is good (to soften some of the crisps). Too much is terrible. Your fries will drown. Conversely, drier toppings require you to use sriracha, smoked barbecue sauce, salsas, etc. These carbohydrates and proteins need to be lubricated.

Zing, crunchy, freshness: Loaded fries can easily become a soft, amorphous lump. This dish needs several inflection points of flavor, punctuation of texture, of differentiation Рespecially some kind of fresh spiciness to cut through its salty and fatty base. From pickles to coleslaw, from kimchi to quick pickled onions, this can be done in many ways. If you think about it, nacho-style fries (beef or veggie chili, guacamole, sour cream, jalape̱os, tomato salsa, a pinch of crushed nachos) are as close to perfection as the shape gets. It offers a bit of everything.

Cage : Particularly because so few kitchens are loaded with fries in a controlled and circumspect manner, a lot of toppings are added in free amounts which, in combination with fries, produce a deadly spiral of density. Refried beans, pasta, halloumi, feta, chicken, etc. should only be added with caution. The obvious repeat offender is pulled pork, often cooked until it turns into a dry, fibrous mop of meat, and tossed over loaded fries with few attempts to really shred it. You will eat this monster for days.

Distribution

Loaded fries don’t have to be a booming topographic spectacle. Mounds lower down, where leaner fries have been carefully prepared at a shallower depth, are welcome. What is unforgivable is pettiness: withered scraps of garnish, isolated islands of sauce, random meat, shavings of burnt cheese. Loaded denotes a filling that is both generous and complete.

Ship

Places that use words like dirty, dirty, and trash on their menus will insist on serving fries loaded in parchment paper lined baskets (stuck to fries); or straight onto flat metal platters with almost no lip to work against, leaving you awkwardly scratching after your food; or in cardboard boxes too deep and fragile to dig easily. This is where these hokey, retro, enamel or bowl-plate hybrid troughs shine, allowing easy access from all angles.

Accessories

The paper towel on the table is not a hipster assignment. It is a messy job. You will need it. You may also need a fork. It should be a large metal or wood that you can pick up scraps with. Street food stalls might try to put you off with borrower-sized chip shop forks (plastic with super sharp teeth or the classic two-pronged wood), but once the fries are wet and mulched, these diddy forks are unable to pick up anything. larger than a Tater Tot without it splitting, collapsing or falling. It is infuriating.

To drink

It is a daunting task. It takes a drink to match. Something icy and refreshing, almost aggressively sparkling, preferably with bottomless refills. Your favorite soft drink or lager / pale ale is the obvious solution (a complex season or an IPA will be wasted in this circus of flavors). Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Don’t get bloated. Take small, regular sips. Stay calm.

So, loaded fries, how do you eat yours?